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  1. Kirk!
    I needed to hear that! I’m so glad Nette shared it with me. I think I’ve had anxiety all my life. Really, I guess it started when we lost Daddy. How is a 4 year old supposed to grip that just one day~Your Daddy is gone and he’ll never be back. From that point on I dealt with abandonment. Anytime I was away from Grammy, I was worried sick that I would never see her again. Then it would just be me and Nette to make it on our own. I remember one day when Nette and I were pretty young, Grammy got really upset because we didn’t keep our rooms perfectly. So she said she was leaving and never coming back. She walked out the back door and out of the garage. We were so scared, that even today my heart races if I don’t get a grip on it really fast. I had a terrible time with my salvation. If Daddy would just one day leave and never come back, Jesus could do the same thing. What were we going to do when Mother did the same thing. I had a terrible self image. Nothing, and I mean nothing was ever done by us that Morher was pleased with. I had NO self esteem. How was there this God in Heaven who loved us more than anyone, but He took our Daddy away, and she just might leave and never come back because I didn’t make my bed to please her! Finally at age 12, I had a Sunday School Teacher who convinced me that there was never anything I could do that would make Jesus ever leave me. Really? Even when I was bad? Even when Mother left me? Finally, when I just literally fell into the arms of Jesus, He caught me. He caught me? He actually was never going to leave me. Wow! When I was diagnosed with RA at Mayo Clinic, they told Ron and me that I had a classic abandonment issue. That’s when I was 50 years old.All those years of facing fear, caused my immune system to shut down. After being on antidepressants and anxiety treatments for 17 years, my immune system is shot. Even to this day, when I look back at my childhood, I just see it as a really dark time. I wish you could have been around to say just the perfect words to me and assure me the Jesus was never going to leave me. Keep on reaching out to all those people that suffer depression and anxiety. Without Jesus to love me and tell me I’m a good person and that He will never leave me, I probably wouldn’t be alive right now.

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